For Sale
by Eternatis
Summary: Revenge via newpaper ads. Yep, that's it. REALLY. It's nothing to do with Téa, or Mai trying to get with Joey or anything.COMPLETE!
1. How Much is that Puppy in the Window

Good morning _world!_ For some reason I, Susan, who has about the same ammount of humour as in a normal person (scary evil things, very rare.)'s left kneecap, have decided to write a humour fic. God help us all... But my sister (Hi Hyper-chan!) thinks it's funny (I _had_ given her sugar before hand though, and she _is_ kinda OTT at the best of times...), and said I should post it, and you _DON'T_ argue with the hyper-eleven year olds. 

If it's funny, feel free to laugh. If it's not funny, don't flame, but gimme _your_ suggestions for what should have gone here. I'm open for anything so long as it's (reasonably) clean. 

And for those awaiting Roses, it'll be on Satur - [freezes] Oh. That's tomorrow... and I'm sat here writing funny stuff when I should be driving everyone out of their minds... The reason it might not be done of Saturday when I thought it would be is because I just had to delete five pages of it. (I'm hopelessly melodramatic at times. I read through it and though _'WTF? That's way too OTT,' _and scrapped it.) So, meh. Back to where I was at the start of the week. 

**Summary:** Revenge via newpaper ads. Yep, that's it. REALLY. It's nothing to do with Téa, or Mai trying to get with Joey or anything. 

**Warnings:** Oh my god I think I might actually have a story that doesn't need a warning. God help me. But there might be OOC-ness. Sorry! Oh, and this is a fic with no description in. It's ad, then dialogue. Hell for me with my overly-descriptive habit, but we'll see. 

**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't steal, don't sue. 

**Dedication:** Dedciated to Hyper-Angel, my little sister, and I'm not sure, but I think it should also be dedicated to a Petshop of Horrors Livejournal thing or something for giving me the idea.

* * *

For Sale 

Chapter One: How much is that puppy in the window? 

**FOR SALE:** One puppy. Large, blond, brown eyes, very friendly unless provoked. Tendency to bark too much and gets into everything. Would make a good guard dog if it could be housetrained. Answers to anything and everything, but usually to "Mutt," "Puppy," and "Joey." Suitable for young single women and families with children. 

Apply to the Wheeler household at anytime.

* * *

"SETO!" 

"Mokuba? What's - " 

"Seto, did you put this advert in the paper?" 

"Which?" 

"The one offering _Joey Wheeler_ for sale!" 

"Oh. That one." 

"WELL!?!" 

"I believe that was his friends at school..." 

"Seto..." 

"All right, I gave them advice on how to put it. But they were the one's who submitted it." 

"He'll kill you." 

He'll _try._ I'm not worried. There's nothing he can do to me." 

_Famous last words Seto..._

* * *

Well, so ends part one of four (yes, I actually know where this is going and stuff. I repeat: God help me.) Bad? Not bad? Opinions if you please. And because I forgot before, if people want to keep track of how I'm doing with my fics, you can check at **acholoe[dot]bravejournal[dot] com**. Please for the love of all that's holy/unholy/human keep the address up this time. PLEASE! Seriously, that's the only reason I started it! So people know where I am and can tell me what they _really_ think of my excuses! 


	2. An Older Sibling's Dream Come True

My god, two chapters together. God help us all. For the summary/disclaimer/warning/lynch mob tracker device link and the rest of that palaver, go to chapter one. I have to finish writing this, then get on with my journal and Scent Of Roses. Because I promised it would be done by tomorrow and I wasn't joking about the lynch mob.

* * *

For Sale 

Chapter Two: An older sibling's dream come true 

**FOR SALE:** One little brother; nosy, energetic, pretty smart, _way_ too bossy if you ask him to do something. Okay enough as little kids go (he's about ten), but he gets his nose into everything and's a bit reckless. Short, long black hair. Can be - and has been - passed off as a sister. 

Apply to Seto Kaiba during normal KaibaCorp business hours (5am till midnight).

* * *

"JOEY!" 

"Hey Téa, hey Yuge. Wassup?" 

"Did you do this?" 

"Did I do what? Lemme see? Oh, yeah, dat. Yeah, I did." 

"Joey, why?" 

"Why not? He started it! And now I got a load of weird girlk's comin' round askin if they can buy me!" 

"Kaiba may have started it Joey - " 

[Coughcoughcoughhackchokecouchwheeze] 

"You okay dere Téa?" 

[wheeze]"Yeah, I'm fine... Carry on Yugi..." 

Yes, well, Kaiba may have started it, but why drag Mokuba into it?" 

"Because no one in their right mind would buy Kaiba." 

_Oh, I wouldn't say that Joey..._

* * *

So... revenge is sweet? Like the sugary stuff I got my little sister high on? And what's the next advert gonna be? Only I know... MWA-HA-HA!!!!!! And you will probably, because I'm writing all four of these up at once. 2/4 done. HALF WAY THROUGH! W00T! 


	3. Heartily Sick of the Pair of Them

Er... running out of stuff to say... palaver in first chapter... story below... Susan at computor... Susan getting over her altitude sickness from yesterday (I was lying/sitting down most of the day, and then I had to get up, and Woooh...) So, on with the fic.

* * *

For Sale 

Chapter Three: Heartily Sick of the pair of them 

**FOR SALE:** Two maniacs. A millionaire CEO, and a normal guy with a group of fangirls desperate to buy him. Buy one, the other'll be thrown in free. Fangirls optional. Hospital room has been booked for those insisting upon leaving the two alone in one room for more than five seconds. 

All those wishing to buy SETO KAIBA and JOEY WHEELER, call "Yugi" at the Game Shop or Domino High.

* * *

"YUGI!" 

"Oh, hey guys, what's up?" 

"Did you really think you could get away with this?" 

"Yuge, you're my friend! I didn't think you'd do something like dat to me! 

"Away with what? Do what? I don't know what you're talking about - " 

"Read this." 

"..." 

"..." 

"..." 

"Kaiba - Joey - I didn't have anything to do with this, I swear! I didn't - I would never - " 

"I wanna believe ya Yuge, but it's dere in black 'n' white." 

"Don't lie to me Moto, I know it was you." 

"But - " 

"Well puppy, do you want to kill him or are you leaving him to me?" 

"Grrr... DON'T CALL ME PUPPY!" 

"Put me down mutt or you won't be able to hear what _anyone_ calls you for the next week." 

"Is dat so? An' just how - " 

"He's getting away." 

"Wha - YUGI! GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!" 

_This is what you get for not listening in on your friends conversations..._

* * *

So, getting crappier as we go? Third of fourth completed. Whoo, thank god. I'm nearly done. Then I can lie down and start plotting the destruction of the - oh wait, I've already done that. Well, I could always get on with driving the YGO cast insane. That's fun. I just lock them in a room with my sister for a week and BANG they're out. It worked on me! 


	4. You can buy the STRANGEST things if you ...

Hurray! Last part! I'm free! Hallelujah, lemme out of here. I'll see you all once _Kingdom Come_ and _Roses_ are updated. Possibly sooner if you yell at me on the tagboard at my journal (guilt trips work on me when it comes to writing. They don't when it comes to life, but when it comes to writing and stuff I promised to update I get all squirmy and give in.). 

Anyway, last chapter. No advert for this one, just a general conversation with the two behind it all.

* * *

For Sale

Chapter Four: You can buy the _strangest_ things if you only know where to look... 

"Dude! Téa! That was cool!" 

"Thanks Tristan! Maybe _next_ time Joey won't be in such a hurry to insult my new dress." 

"Hon, you have to admit, he had a point. It did make you look bad." 

"But he could have said it better! Telling me I look like a really fat rain cloud _isn't_ the best way to put it!" 

"Who's idea was it to pin in on Yugi though?" 

"Mai's." 

"Hey, the kiddo needed some exercise. Dodging Joey and Kaiba for the rest of the week seemed a good way to get some!" 

"So, did anyone try to buy them?" 

"Oh, hi Duke. Yeah, some old lady wanted Mokuba. Kaiba nearly killed her, and the girls who wanted to buy _him_ - " 

"Didn't Joey say something about no one in their right mind wanting Kaiba?" 

"Yeah, and Kaiba tried to murder him as well!" 

"Speaking of him, did anyone...?" 

"Oh yes. Someone _did_ get Joseph. He's pretty happy about it by all accounts." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah! Haven't you seen the leather dog collar he's wearing?" 

"I just thought he'd been taking fashion advice from Yugi..." 

"Eeew!" 

"Now _there's_ a disgusting thought..." 

"Hm, Joey in leather..." 

"Ew! MAI!" 

"What?" 

"Mai, was it _you_ who answered the ad?" 

"Now Duke, whatever gave you _that_ idea?" 

**END**

* * *

I can hear the cries of "about time" already... And yes, I am pro-Mai/Joey. Because it's such fun, everyone thinking Mai has taste, then seeing her out with Joey... Yes, I do arrange for Tristan to say something along those lines in front of Joey in one story. No, his nose isn't broken. The same cannot be said of his arm. And while he and Joey were doing that, Duke was doing some major schmoozing and started dating Serenity. No, the Duke/Serenity thing is not gonna show up in the story. That was just something I thought of now. Trust me, Jury=still out on the Serenity/? thing. Tristan's nice, but Dukey's prettiful. Maybe someone should steal Duke and solve the whole problem... looks _way_ too innoscent 

So, this is the end. I had fun writing this (the "Joey in leather" resulted from having spent too long among my dirty minded friends. They drag me down faster than I can drag myself up. I hereby apologise.), and would appreciate NOT BEING FLAMED!! C&C is OK, but not flames. Not even when I'm half-awake and not quite in my right mind. Like now. Goodbye, sweet dreams, see you all when I'm back to my normal self. Ja ne! 


End file.
